In Transit

So, we're into day 4 of the transition plan. The educator who is assigned to us has a 2 week plan of different activities we need to accomplish before N. comes to live with us full-time. Things like getting him dressed (check), changing his diaper (check), feeding him (check) and napping at our place (check). We still need to give him a bath and do errands with him. His worker will also come over and talk to him about his move, show him his bedroom and so on. As it stands, the official move in date is Sept 28th, but they will adapt it based on how N. is doing.

Last Friday the two boys met each other and all went well. N. greeted us at the door with the toy that Greg and I had used to play with him the day before. So he remembered us - good sign. Then we all went for a walk to McDonald's for some ice cream. He was fine being out with us and was happy to have K. to point out things like street lights and hubcaps to. (brought me back to when I took K. to the biodome and he was more interested in the airvents than the animals). They boys shared a sweet hug to say goodbye to each other and that was the end of the visit. It was hard for K. to understand that N. was not coming back with us right away.

(N. going for a walk with K., Papa and Daddy. N.'s face needs to be concealed for confidentiality reasons)

The weekend had no visits, but we kept talking to K. about N. and worked to finalize his room. I told K. that when N. comes, he will need a lot of love and hugs (and K. added, "and a lot of diapers!"). Yes, K. has his priorities right!

On Monday I brought our dog over for a quick visit as N. hasn't interacted with a dog before. The plan was to go for a walk together. The only problem is that our dog is over 15 years old and now has hip problems. We walked 2 steps and she'd flop down. However, this gave N. an opportunity to use his voice (the social workers say he has a speech delay, I say he's just 2)... so he would yell at Phobe, "come on!". Unfortunately, Phoebe is now deaf too. So instead of walking together, the interaction consisted mostly of belly rubs.

Yesterday (Tuesday), I picked up N. and he spent the morning and afternoon at home with me. He was thrilled to see the cat and this is his new friend. He enjoyed exploring his new home and playing with all the toys that K. had left out for him. I can really see the difference between N. and K. when he was first placed. K. was 18 months old and needed us to sit with him for everything. N., being 2, is more independent. Also, his foster dad is in his late 60's and I don't think spends much time on the floor with N. So while our social worker visited, N. played happily on his own with his new trucks. But of course, it's much more fun when Daddy sits down to send the cars crashing into each other.

N. (similary to K.) is a good eater and is also very communicative about when he's hungry. He'll grab a bowl and show you it needs to be filled. So we had a good lunch together and then it was nap time. This was the only "iffy" moment of the day as he started to cry if I backed out of the room. Having been especially trained by K. on managing such interactions, I lay down beside him on another mattress (oh, did I mention that I have in-laws visiting while all this is going down? They are sharing N.'s room for the moment). He settled quickly after this and had a good nap. On waking up there was a little shout that I would translate as "where the f--- am I?" but as soon as he saw me, he was fine. We played a bit more and then it was back to foster home for supper.

Today the day will be similar except that tonight N. will join me to pick up K. at daycare and then we will drive him together to foster home. Meanwhile, daycare shared with me that K. is a little bit more rambunctious than usual (i.e., he's getting into trouble). They know about the transition and expect more of the same... but it'll take adjustment on all our parts.

In any case, things are underway!

Daddy Diaries - Volume 2 - A new beginning (pre-meeting jitters)

So, it's September 15th and Greg and I are going on the most intense first date of our lives. Today's the day that we get to meet N. for the first time. However, unlike meeting K. which was a full-on blind date, we have had a chance to see N. in a photograph and yes, he is adorable.

So the initial stress of "is my baby going to be ugly?" is done. I mean come on, even you bio-parents go through this. And you at least have a rough idea of what your child will look like by smushing you and your partner's features together (results may vary). Being an adoptive parent adds another element of mystery.

But, that part is done with. We have a photograph and we have an address. So this afternoon we're off to meet N. at his current foster family's place. He's been there for the past year and from what we know, it's been a very loving experience for him. So this just adds to the knife twist in that we are now going to meet the people that we are going to take him away from. Oh, and did I mention that there will be at least 3 social workers watching at the same time? No pressure there, and sure to create the most natural environment for meeting your new child as possible.

Sigh.

From this meeting we then go on to 2 weeks of planned visits, nap times at our place, encounters with our pets and all leading up to a planned Sept 29th placement date with us. We've been reminded by the integration worker that the current plan is "tentative". So along with the pre-date jitters are all the "unknown" fears.

Oh yeah, did I mention that we're also bringing K. into the mix? He knows all about the new baby, which has quickly become "my baby". Even though N. is 2, it helps K. to see him as little so that he can take the big brother role. I just hope he's not too disappointed when he sees how tall N. is. Because as K. talks about "my little baby" he holds his thumb and index finger out and indicates a height of about 2 inches.

But the big brother role is one K. is ready to take on. He's already been schooling me on the rules of the house ("Daddy, don't talk with your mouth full" "Daddy, you left the light on"  <I get that from Greg too> and so on). So being able to boss a little one around will keep him busy.

K. has also graduated to a big boy bedroom sheet set and we're passing on his "baby" stuff to the little one. We've also been instructed to set aside some of K.'s toys that he decides the baby can't play with. So far the theory of this works. And I think it's the theory that K. is excited about. We'll see what happens when month 4 sets in and K. realizes that "my baby" also shares Papa and Daddy.

But, the fun for you guys is that you'll be able to read all about it. I'm sure I'll find a way to write about it that will keep you entertained.

And on that note, T minus 3 hours to the uber-date.... to be continued!

Daddy Diary 1 - K.'s introduction (Dec 2008)

So as you all know, we're into transition week with K. and  everything has been neatly scheduled to allow us some time to get to know each other, learn his routines and have K. get ready for his move  to full-time living with us for Monday the 15th. All went according to  plan on Monday. We met at foster mom's place at around 10 am (with our  brand new car-seat <Thanks C&D!! ) so that we could go on an outing together. What better place to head for an outing but Angrignon mall!  Luckily he was more interested in the floor tiles than all the stuff  at Sears otherwise we might still be there. :-) The goal of our outing was to head to a pet store so that K. could get accustomed to the animals we have at our place. No worries there. All the puppies were sleeping, but K. encouraged their waking up with some taps on their glass dividers. (I think Phoebe (our dog) is going to be napping the same time as K.!) He also loved the fish and would have loved to dive in with the Koi in their giant pond. Luckily dad was there to provide a restraining arm (one that will get used, many, many times I think!)

We went to the food court next for a snack. He's really into the next age/size bracket cause it was next to impossible to fit him into the high chairs they had at the mall. K. preferred to sit on Greg and feed him french fries dipped in a lake of ketchup. Did I mention that Greg looooves Ketchup? <sarcasm  And the oscar goes to Greg, for the most believable "mmmmm!".> K. then decided that he wasn't all that hungry and thought that walking around the food court in circles would give Daddy Marc some much needed exercise. This became even more fun when K. began to wave at everyone and they waved back. How many laps did we do? All I know is that some of the faces became very familiar by the end of it.

Then it was time to head back home. At this point K. was happy to get  into his new stroller and get pushed back to the car. He was also happy to get home as K. has an aversion to 5 point restraints. This was just in time for nap time for foster mom to deal with the crankiness as Marc went home to busily clean and baby proof the house for Tuesday and for Greg to go to work.

And then Tuesday. Ah, wonderful snowy Tuesday. The plan was a 3pm-7pm visit with Foster Mom coming over to our house and leaving after an hour so that we could show him his new digs. The one hour visit with foster mom happened mostly on the Decarie autoroute. It was backed up from end to end. So K. was very happy to finally see his new place (even if it would have been a shack, all he cared about was getting out of that @##$ car seat.) Foster mom stayed for a bit and K. walked in circles (I sense a theme) and was thrilled with his new stuffed animals that actually moved (aka the pets). With all the stimulation he didn't notice the christmas tree too much yet. So far it's still standing.

I then drove foster mom to the metro while Greg continued the visit. Part of the tour was the bathroom where K. discovered the tub and a whole bunch of cool toys So when I got back from the drive, K. was ready to dive in. He puts on quite a water show and I think this will be his favourite time of the day. Then we got him all dried off and we were off to supper (ham and macaroni, yum... dads finished the left overs, brought us back to recipes from our youth). Then we were supposed to drive K. back home, but the Decarie was still jammed up. After 5 minutes in his car seat in a stationary car, we made an executive decision (and a ear-drum saving one) to head back home and we called foster mom and the appropriate authorities to okay his stay over night. Luckily Greg's work friends had bought some pj's so we got him dolled up and got him ready for bed. K.'s nighttime ritual involves lots of snuggling (which we love) and many big yawns in our ear, but for all that he fights sleep. So Daddy Marc got some more exercise walking 40 pounds of huggy-buggy K. in a circle until he was ready to lie down in his new bed. (Picture how a koala bear hugs on, and that's the right image). Of course Greg and I are already in love so the hugs just keep making it better. So aside from waking up around 11pm for some more snuggling (and a cleaner diaper) he went out for the night. Can't say the same for us. Each little grunt and sniffle kept pricking our ears up, so that Greg and I shared 2 hours of sleep altogether. But what a way to stay up, cuddled next to this snoring angel. We didn't miss the sleep one bit (until we had to actually function the next morning, heh).  

At 8:30 it was time to get up, breakfast and totter in circles around the kitchen island while being chased by Phoebe who was very interested in the piece of toast K. had in his hand. This is when the reality of how slow time can be when you are trying to think up of new ways to keep a todder occupied. (Yay, this new thing kept you busy for 30 seconds, now what?) But playing with blocks was fun, especially the dumping them out of the box and putting them back in to do it all over again. Then as the plan had originally been to keep K. for day, that got modified. After K.'s nap in the morning, we went back to foster mom. The transition back to her was a bit tough and he went straight back to us for more hugs before being okay to go back to his foster family. So all in all, the attaching with us seems to be going very well. He has no problem coming to us for comfort. That'll be a different story once he realizes that foster mom won't be around, but after our first night together (and many emotions) we now have a taste of some of the ups and downs we'll have at the beginning. All the rest will be regular toddler craziness

 So there you have the last few days. I'm learning quick though. I now know that coffees get cold quickly when you forget them cause you're chasing a little guy around. Also, don't bother making yourself a lunch, cause you're just going to eat his leftovers anyway. And finally, yes, you will do gross things when it is your own kid. ;-)

  More news to come! And thanks again for all your warm words of welcome for K. and all your support.