Settling in

Okay, so the blog posts get sparse once the child is home full-time. But now that I am finally also home full-time (yay parental leave!) I have a chance to sit with my glass of milk and jar of nutella in front of the computer and catch you up on how things went.

N. moved in on Sept 28th. Things went remarkably smoothly. We expected to see some reaction from him in terms of wondering when he'd be going back home, or seeming upset when we put him down for the night. Nothing. We thought it might have to do with the fact that he was overstimulated at our house compared to where he used to live (a 4 year old, a cat and a dog make for some interesting play-mates when you've been living alone with a 65 year old). But ultimately, there has been no major grief around moving away from the foster family. Or, if there is any, he is living it very differently than K. did. What we are getting is a 2 year old who is much more independent than K. was. Offers to help him eat his meal are met with dirty looks and a swatting hand. He's not very cuddly and seems more turned in on himself. So our work with him regarding attachment has looked much different than with K. One very welcome change, though is that he goes to sleep without a peep. This alone has made life so much easier.

So attachement-wise, I've been on the floor with him quite a bit, playing peek-a-boo, patty-cake and pretending to feed each other plastic vegetables all to keep eye contact and establish physical contact with him. He's taken very quickly to it! I also need to learn to go at his pace and not overwhelm him with all the hugs I have stored up for him.

In terms of adapting to having 2 boys to manage, it's gone fairly well. We've got a good routine with K, and we just cycled N. into it as well. So he went from falling asleep in front of the 11 o'clock news at foster home to a 7:30 story, song and hug regimen. The part that is more difficult, is having K. get used to having a new one at home. He went from being the prince to now being the person who is perceived as the toy-thief. As soon as K. picks something up, N. decides it's what he wants. Then things look like a 3 stooges revival with smackers and slappers a'plenty. I draw the line at eye-pokes though. As for K., he's as big as 2 eight year olds, so it's funny to hear him scream as if his arm had been ripped out when N's little hand comes within 2 millimeters of him.

Time outs work well and with the frequency of them, he'll also be able to count to 10 in no time.

So all in all, our little family is slowly becoming a four-some. Greg is now back at work after his month of being a stay-at-home dad. He is actually very happy to be back at work. I'm also very happy that he now knows that a parental leave is not a vacation. By the way, Greg offers a medal to anyone who chooses to stay at home with a toddler.

As for me, doing this the second time around, I' m much more practiced. I know which Chapters has the Thomas the Tank Engine table set up in the Children's section. I know how not to do large grocery orders just so I can go shopping at least 3 times a week. I have almost the whole Wiggles playlist memorized and can make wild animal noises whenever necessary. I'm also very well versed with the maximum holding capacity of a snuggies diaper. I'm back to cooking elaborate meals for supper and baking desserts. So with us gays, we don't gain weight before the child arrives, it's afterwards!

But I do have to tell you that dealing with the social workers this time around has been a major pain. Our new worker is fairly inexperienced and so everything with her is by the book. We still have visits with the educator despite the fact that the transition is already done and integrated. So basically it feels like we have in-laws who visit every week or so to tell us how we should be raising our child. It wouldn't be so bad if their suggestions were helpful, but often they make no sense. Case in point: as we have a cat and dog, the educator told us we could train N. to take care of them by having him start by helping us with our fish. As he can't hurt the fish since they are behind glass, that would be a good beginning. So have him feed the fish.... one problem. overfeeding the fish will kill them. And seeing how I can't trust him with the ketchup bottle, the jar of fish food is waay off limits. But, I smile, nod and say what a great idea to the workers and I wonder how the hell their children are turning out.

As for N. it's been around 6 weeks since he's joined us. He's much more cuddly now and his vocabulary has tripled. He sings, dances and makes food for me in his little kitchen. He's now shy around strangers (good sign) and will cuddle into me when scared. He is very social and waves hello and goodbye to everyone and will even blow kisses. Cashiers fall in love with that. I don't have the heart to tell them that he blows kisses goodbye when we flush the toilet too.

In Transit

So, we're into day 4 of the transition plan. The educator who is assigned to us has a 2 week plan of different activities we need to accomplish before N. comes to live with us full-time. Things like getting him dressed (check), changing his diaper (check), feeding him (check) and napping at our place (check). We still need to give him a bath and do errands with him. His worker will also come over and talk to him about his move, show him his bedroom and so on. As it stands, the official move in date is Sept 28th, but they will adapt it based on how N. is doing.

Last Friday the two boys met each other and all went well. N. greeted us at the door with the toy that Greg and I had used to play with him the day before. So he remembered us - good sign. Then we all went for a walk to McDonald's for some ice cream. He was fine being out with us and was happy to have K. to point out things like street lights and hubcaps to. (brought me back to when I took K. to the biodome and he was more interested in the airvents than the animals). They boys shared a sweet hug to say goodbye to each other and that was the end of the visit. It was hard for K. to understand that N. was not coming back with us right away.

(N. going for a walk with K., Papa and Daddy. N.'s face needs to be concealed for confidentiality reasons)

The weekend had no visits, but we kept talking to K. about N. and worked to finalize his room. I told K. that when N. comes, he will need a lot of love and hugs (and K. added, "and a lot of diapers!"). Yes, K. has his priorities right!

On Monday I brought our dog over for a quick visit as N. hasn't interacted with a dog before. The plan was to go for a walk together. The only problem is that our dog is over 15 years old and now has hip problems. We walked 2 steps and she'd flop down. However, this gave N. an opportunity to use his voice (the social workers say he has a speech delay, I say he's just 2)... so he would yell at Phobe, "come on!". Unfortunately, Phoebe is now deaf too. So instead of walking together, the interaction consisted mostly of belly rubs.

Yesterday (Tuesday), I picked up N. and he spent the morning and afternoon at home with me. He was thrilled to see the cat and this is his new friend. He enjoyed exploring his new home and playing with all the toys that K. had left out for him. I can really see the difference between N. and K. when he was first placed. K. was 18 months old and needed us to sit with him for everything. N., being 2, is more independent. Also, his foster dad is in his late 60's and I don't think spends much time on the floor with N. So while our social worker visited, N. played happily on his own with his new trucks. But of course, it's much more fun when Daddy sits down to send the cars crashing into each other.

N. (similary to K.) is a good eater and is also very communicative about when he's hungry. He'll grab a bowl and show you it needs to be filled. So we had a good lunch together and then it was nap time. This was the only "iffy" moment of the day as he started to cry if I backed out of the room. Having been especially trained by K. on managing such interactions, I lay down beside him on another mattress (oh, did I mention that I have in-laws visiting while all this is going down? They are sharing N.'s room for the moment). He settled quickly after this and had a good nap. On waking up there was a little shout that I would translate as "where the f--- am I?" but as soon as he saw me, he was fine. We played a bit more and then it was back to foster home for supper.

Today the day will be similar except that tonight N. will join me to pick up K. at daycare and then we will drive him together to foster home. Meanwhile, daycare shared with me that K. is a little bit more rambunctious than usual (i.e., he's getting into trouble). They know about the transition and expect more of the same... but it'll take adjustment on all our parts.

In any case, things are underway!

The first meeting

So, it's over and we all survived (and now we're really excited for this 2 week transition to be over). We met N. and his picture didn't do him justice (of course how could it?). How can a picture capture the exuberence and innocent wonder of a 2 year old who is discovering his world and, though he doesn't have the words yet, is clearly saying,"hey, look at that... isn't it cool?!?" (Yes, that light fixture is cool, and so is the one next to it, and yes that first light fixture you indicated earlier is still cool).

So how can I describe N.? Well, take K. and reverse it. N. is dark haired and brown eyed to K.`s blond curls and blue eyes. He's an average 2 year old build whereas K. is ready to sign his NBA jr. contract. But, they both share the easy going, social and engaging personality and infectious laugh. Oh, one more difference though. Where K. would tantrum by shrieking like a banshee, N. just stamps his foot. He just stamps his foot. wow. Maybe N. can teach K. something! Oh, and N. sleeps 12 hours. He wakes up at 8:30. He wakes up at 8:30, no really... this is unheard of in our household. With K. around, I'm not sure how long that is going to last for though, but I can dream, can't I?

In any case, we were welcomed at the door by N. who was eager to show us his place. And we lucked out in that there were only 2 social workers observing the whole thing. We met N.'s foster parents (very nice folks) and we all crammed into the living room. Now if you aren't aware, social workers are kind of like psychiatrists in that you don't want to say or do the wrong thing in front of them because they read into everything you do. The good thing is that they can't have you committed. The bad thing is that they can really get in the way of you being able to adopt the child you just met and are falling in love with. So we tried to act natural, interested in N., but not too interested. Relaxed, but not too relaxed. Confident, but not too confident. You know, natural.

N. helped us out though, by being the centre of attention. He "wow-ed" through the photo album of our house,  his room, Kyson and the animals that we showed him. We played with some toys in his room and even got a quiet moment together. The social worker / educator encouraged us to make physical contact with him (but not too much) to see how he'd react. I'd say we did well as we scored big hugs when it was time to say goodbye.

So tomorrow (Friday) we do the same thing but with K. along for the ride. Needless to say, K. is thrilled... I'm sure he'll be wondering why it's taking so long for N. to come home with us. It'll be hard to come up with a satisfactory answer, cause now that we met N. and know he is in the world and will soon be ours, I don't want to have to wait either.

Daddy Diaries - Volume 2 - A new beginning (pre-meeting jitters)

So, it's September 15th and Greg and I are going on the most intense first date of our lives. Today's the day that we get to meet N. for the first time. However, unlike meeting K. which was a full-on blind date, we have had a chance to see N. in a photograph and yes, he is adorable.

So the initial stress of "is my baby going to be ugly?" is done. I mean come on, even you bio-parents go through this. And you at least have a rough idea of what your child will look like by smushing you and your partner's features together (results may vary). Being an adoptive parent adds another element of mystery.

But, that part is done with. We have a photograph and we have an address. So this afternoon we're off to meet N. at his current foster family's place. He's been there for the past year and from what we know, it's been a very loving experience for him. So this just adds to the knife twist in that we are now going to meet the people that we are going to take him away from. Oh, and did I mention that there will be at least 3 social workers watching at the same time? No pressure there, and sure to create the most natural environment for meeting your new child as possible.

Sigh.

From this meeting we then go on to 2 weeks of planned visits, nap times at our place, encounters with our pets and all leading up to a planned Sept 29th placement date with us. We've been reminded by the integration worker that the current plan is "tentative". So along with the pre-date jitters are all the "unknown" fears.

Oh yeah, did I mention that we're also bringing K. into the mix? He knows all about the new baby, which has quickly become "my baby". Even though N. is 2, it helps K. to see him as little so that he can take the big brother role. I just hope he's not too disappointed when he sees how tall N. is. Because as K. talks about "my little baby" he holds his thumb and index finger out and indicates a height of about 2 inches.

But the big brother role is one K. is ready to take on. He's already been schooling me on the rules of the house ("Daddy, don't talk with your mouth full" "Daddy, you left the light on"  <I get that from Greg too> and so on). So being able to boss a little one around will keep him busy.

K. has also graduated to a big boy bedroom sheet set and we're passing on his "baby" stuff to the little one. We've also been instructed to set aside some of K.'s toys that he decides the baby can't play with. So far the theory of this works. And I think it's the theory that K. is excited about. We'll see what happens when month 4 sets in and K. realizes that "my baby" also shares Papa and Daddy.

But, the fun for you guys is that you'll be able to read all about it. I'm sure I'll find a way to write about it that will keep you entertained.

And on that note, T minus 3 hours to the uber-date.... to be continued!

Daddy Diary 8 - 6 Months Already (June 2009)

Well hello everyone... it's been a long time since my last update (back in March actually) so this volume is way overdue. Sorry to all my fans out there (lol!) But being a daddy is just somewhat time consuming and it can be hard to find time for myself let alone dredge up the energy to reframe the joys of parenting a 2 year-old into humorous anecdotes just for your reading pleasure. So why this e-mail now? Well, loyal readers, what some of you don't know yet, is that we have managed to score the impossible. Yes, Virginia, we have daycare!

What seemed the impossible dream came true and by the grace of K.'s charm and sociability we bumped some other poor (less attractive and surely less extroverted) kids down the waiting list. In fact, what we learned is that having your name on a waiting list means nada. You need the daycare teacher to like your kid for him/her to get a spot.So, schlepping the little guy all over the place paid off in the end.And K. learned a valuable lesson that will serve him well in life:shameless flirting will get you everywhere.

The only downside to this daycare is that it is right next to a park.Yes, it's great for him during the day so he can play, but when picking him up in the afternoon it's then just another tantrum trigger. As soon as we step out the door, he lunges for the monkey bars while I try to carry him to the car. I wonder if they make blinders for kids?

So now the new adjustment I'm dealing with is being in an empty house and trying not to feel guilty (actually, I'm adjusting quite well!!!) What helps is that K. is having a great time with the other kids and despite a bit of whining this morning, there have been no major breakdowns with me leaving him there (yet). And it's really cute to see him with another little boy who is his age running circles around each other and essentially playing human bumper cars. Even more sweet is at the end of the day they all give each other hugs and kisses as he leaves. So even though I've gone through the horrible feeling of abandoning this poor child to someone else, I know he's in good hands.

I think what has also helped over the past few months is that K. has adjusted to our routine and he knows what to expect and that we are there for him (though we haven't quite adjusted to his routine of 5 am wake-up calls). What is amazing is that we no longer have the bed-time struggles that we did when he first joined us. We're at the stage where we have a story, a song (which Greg gets bored singing over and over again the same way, so he tosses in some Christina Aguilera vocal acrobatics from time to time), and then a group hug. We then put him to bed, tuck him in, kiss his bunny, kiss him and can make it out the door with not a word from him. It's night and day from the beginning where he would tantrum so much we couldn't even put the blankets on him to fall asleep cause he would kick and get all rolled up in them. Even more amazing is that the same thing is happening at nap time now too.

So aside from these wonderful changes, another big change happened. K. officially turned 2 in May. So now his tantrums are age-appropriate.lol! And he continues to be off the charts for height and weight.Everyone confuses him for a 4 year old, until they try to talk to him.He's still relying on mostly hand gestures to get his point across (which he'll probably revert back to once he's a teen), but more words are being added to the mix. Most words are food related: nana for banana, nun-yon for onion (don't ask me why this is a word he knows), and moooo-ore for more (yup, the first part is done like a cowmooing.) Oh, and he does ask for things politely... deeee is please.But of course, being 2, "please" is more of a command than a request.Not complying with said request at all (or even quickly enough) is grounds for a face plant to the floor with a giant "Noooooo!".

But K. reserves his best ear-piercing shrieks for the greater public now. I'm becoming one of "those parents" who has one of "those children" in public places. Mostly I just pick him up over my shoulder like a pack of screaming potatoes and hope it dies down. One day when leaving the park, I think a 5 block radius was informed that K. was not happy to be leaving. So yes, daycare is much appreciated (if only to give a bit of time for my eardrums to regenerate).

So now that it's been 6 months that K. has been with us, I guess it will soon be time for me to start thinking about getting back to work.... but there's still a bit of time for that (phew!) What I plan to do with this time for myself is take naps, and exercise to burn off all the Nutella I used to stave off massive sleep deprivation. I need to fit back into my work clothes after all... what's depressing though, is that K. has a better wardrobe than I do!

Anyway, that's it for now. I could go on about the many mundane and funny things that have happened since the last installment. I could elaborate on the case of the rolling poo, or how I learned through "Go Diego Go" that all dinosaurs were hispanic, or how kids want you to get into their kiddie pool with them even though the water temperature is just slightly above zero, or how having a kiddie-pool and a sand box next to each other is a recipe for a sand-coated kid, or how kids who watch you shower will eventually mime out all of your actions in front of family and friends. But, I'll just let you imagine the hilarity.

Oh and before I sign off, one last piece of good news. As of this past Monday, K. has become officially adoptable, so that means that within6 months, K. will share our last name and we will truly be hisforever- family. Although in our hearts, this has already been the case since December. (awwww...!)

Anyhow, wishing you all a great summer (it's coming, I know it is!)
Till next time!

Daddy Diary 7 - Month 3 (March 2009)

Well, it's been a while since the last installment, mostly cause K.'s naptimes have been fluctuating this past little while. Some mornings he's passing out at 10 am, others around noon, and sometimes he's down for 2 hours and other times just 40 minutes (then there's the 40 minute nap in bed followed by the 45 minute nap on daddy's lap on the couch after he insisted he was ready to get up). I'm never quite sure how long a break I'm going to get, but this morning should be good. We went to Ikea where he wolfed down a huge second breakfast, tried out almost every sofa in the store, painted a green shamrock in the kid's section and then raced up and down the aisles in the self-service section. His head dropped the second I put him in the car. Heh. Daddy has his tricks too.

It's hard to believe that it's been already 3 months since he's joined us. Time is going by so fast, and it's also amazing to see how much he has changed since he first joined us. He definitely grew taller, and has attached himself to us enough to now decide he wants to be independent about everything. Yup, the terrible twos have arrived 2 months early. As of last week, K. has added a new word to hisvocabulary: "no". This is usually paired with a emphatic shaking of the head (or a face plunge to the floor). So now diaper changes are again being refused, turning off his videos creates a monster, and telling him that the cat is not a squeezetoy also brings out the devil in him. I tell ya, parenting is really all about learning patience.Some days are better than others for both of us... but I'm slowly becoming immune to the ear piercing shriek (or pretending to) and just letting him cry it out.

But, as he is a Gemini, everything does have two sides. Two other words

he picked up are: Dada and Papa. Never mind that he mixes them up, it's music to the ears to hear the little guy call us.

As for keeping busy, K. and I have been doing some outings. We went to a place called Zig Zag Zoo in Vaudreuil which is basically a giant hamster cage for kids. He enjoyed the slides until he discovered the little carousel ride (you know the kind they have in the malls). They should call these things tantrum machines, cause whether you put the loony in or not, you're going to get a scream at some point. Whether it's cause you didn't give him the ride, or cause at some point you have to take him off, it's inevitable. We got lucK. one day though. As there are 3 horses and K. showed up just as a set of twins was getting on, he mooched 2 rides. Then a dad brought his little girl and he let K. get on too.... the little girl shrieked as soon as it started and got off, so K. had a free ride on his own. I wonder, is there a proper etiquette to these things? I wasn't sure if I should hand the dad a loony, but in the end, didn't. All in all, he got 4 free rides that day. So I'm raising a successful little beggar. lol.

Yesterday we went to the Aquadome in Lasalle. They have a great area for kids, complete with miniature slide and huge water fountain. The water is nice and warm, but we don't want to think about that too much. K. had a great time splashing around and I have to say, he cuts quite the figure in his speedos and diaper. What I find amazing though, is how much bigger he is than the other kids his age. He's going to tower over everyone in playschool. It's funny cause all the mom's (and their kids) ask, is that a BABY? Yup. All 40 pounds of him.

And though he's growing up fast, as I said before, vocab-wise, he's taking his time, but we did see some progress in the early stages of potty training. We bought him a potty and a seat for the toilet and of course they all have cartoon characters on them. (Gives new meaning to the show "Go, Diego, Go!".)  We did have success one night after his bath and celebrated like fools. But we're taking it one step at a time for now. Though not changing diapers would be a welcome treat for me I think we'll wait till he's two and it's warmer for him to parade around in his skivvies.

Otherwise life together has been good. Though most of my time is spent accompanying K. through his many discoveries (like him discovering the grain in the wood floor that he thinks he should be able to rub off) K. has graduated to playing a bit more independently now, so when I'm cooking he'll play on his own. One toy he loves, but is quite tiresome is his globe that talks to him and speaks out the names of the countries when he pushes a button. But since K. is more interested in pushing the button repeatedly, it sounds like a geography lesson from Rain Man. "Ant-ant-an-an-an-ant-a-a-a-a-ant-Antartica"

Anyhow.. that's about it for now. All the best to everyone, and will store up a few more adventures for the next installment.

Daddy Diary 6 - Month 2 (Feb 2009)

Well here we are already in February and I still haven't gotten used to writing 2009 as the year yet. Hope you all are doing well.

As for my continued intensive parental training, I've officially crossed some huge milestones. The other week I was finally christened by K. one early morning. Yes, what most parents deal with when they have very little ones, I got to experience with my not so little one. Picture it: St-Laurent, 5 in the morning. A weary father stumbles out of bed shuffling to the bedroom of the little one whose cries awoke him. He struggles to put an arm through a sweater as he climbs the stairs. Once in the child's room, he kneels down to hug and console the little crier. The little one rests his head on dad's shoulder, sighs and then, blort! vomits all over dad's shoulder. Thank god for the sweater, the dad thinks. (and also, ewwww!) And though once upon a time being vomited on was reserved for those unlucK. roller coaster rides (Picture it, La Ronde, June 1992, a hot summer day on theMonster...) I actually surprised myself by not gagging.  (so now I'm officially a parent) Of course the vomiting was just a prelude to what was to come. Little K. ended up coming down with a major cold and again, he was happy to share. So I got to experience another parental milestone - the clinic!!! (duh-duh-duh!!) As it is impossible to find a pediatrician (and daycare space for that matter) for either love or money, we ended up going to the Tiny Tots clinic in Pointe-Claire. We wouldn't have needed to go, but K. decided to start pulling on his ear one night and after earning my vomiting parent-scout badge, I was not up for also earning the ear-infection badge in the same week. Luckily we live in the age of the internet, and I was able to get an appointment on-line for the next morning. As we got to the clinic, I couldn't get over how full the parking lot was. It was like boxing day at Fairview, only the parking lot was full of whiny sick kids (and many unhappy parents). Then as I stepped into the door. I got a vision of an old Soviet Bread line, parents were lined up around the corner holding their little ones under arm waiting with a desperate (and somewhat hostile) gleam in their eyes. Meanwhile, daddy Marc with his internet appointment was seen on time, and was in and out within 10 minutes. (Bwa-ha-ha!). Turns out K. was just on the brink of developing an ear infection, but 2 days of advil did the trick. But through dealing with K.'s cold, I have uncovered the secret as to why my mom's purses were always filled with used kleenex. My jean pockets, my pyjama pockets and even my hoodie-sweater pockets were filled with kleenex new and used for that week. I'm sure the next few times I do laundry I'll be picking off kleenex lint from everything.

Aside from that, today I thought it would be fun to try out an activity with K.. I saw an ad for a kids' gym (called le petit gym) and went to a free introductory class. We were the only guys there (asusual) and we spent 45 minutes bouncing on an air mattress, doing summersaults (kind of), doing the wheelbarrow walk (kind of) and dodging tantrums (mostly other kids' tantrums). K. had a fun time crawling all over things, but when we learned the price of membership- $400 for 20 weeks!!!!!! we were out of there. Of course, I should have known it would be out of our price range when all the moms came in with their Starbuck's lattes, their girls were dressed in lululemon tights and they had their Philipino nannies in tow. heh. I can get by bouncing K. on our bed and tossing him into a snowbank is still free.lol!

And in terms of K.'s vocabulary. He has now added bread machine to his inter-species communication. As the machine starts up and kneads the bread, K. spins his finger around and makes the whirring noise. So no new words yet, but he is fluent in Kitchen Appliance. (He converses with the coffee machine, dishwasher, oven and now this). However, he also now roars like a tiger and barks with Phoebe when she gets fed.

As for tantrums, K. is getting much better. He's no longer in exorcist mode, and is crying like any average baby would. So Daddy and Papa are much more relaxed now that we aren't walking through the major tantrum mine-field. I think K. is too. But he still keeps us on our toes. Over the last week, he decided that getting his diaper changed was now grounds for kicking and crying. After a few days of this, daddy went on-line and learned about the very special diaper toy that keeps babies occupied. It's a $2.99 flashlight from canadian tire. Not even a fancy one, just an ugly yellow thing. Now when the diaper drawer is opened, there is no more kicking and crying, just K. on his back making designs on the ceiling and occasionally blinding his father.

But all in all, it's a joy to keep discovering each moment and feeling the role of parent become more and more comfortable. In fact I impressed the nannies at the gym today when they learned I've been a dad for only about 2 months. Yup, I look like I've been doing it all these 20 months (must be the circles under my eyes). :-)

Well, that's it for now. All the best to you all!

Daddy Diary 5 - One Month Already! (Jan 2009)

Hope the New Year has been going well so far for all of you. As for our little family, we've reached the one month anniversary of K.'s placement with us. Seems like it's been longer in some ways (can't remember life without him) and shorter in others (incredible how quickly he has adjusted to being with us). What has been great is that each day there is a new discovery, a new challenge and something to make us smile.

In terms of discoveries, K. comes up with them daily. He continues to develop his vocabulary and he has the words "hot" and "down" down pat. Though the word "hot" basically means anything that might be dangerous or anything that he can't touch. So Papa's computer is "hot". And as for "down", he helps make sure that the cat gets off the table if it ever jumps up - one day my head was turned and K. pointed his finger at the table and yelled, "down!". Sure enough, the cat was on the table and jumped down, suitably chastised... so at least we know that despite his limited vocabulary, K. is able to speak with other species.

Another discovery K. has made is all of his body parts and one in particular (one guess). He also has discovered that Daddy and Papa have the same body part and likes to make sure it's still there, especially when we're wearing our pyjama bottoms. This led to our discovery that K. needed his nails trimmed. :-) As for discoveries on my side, I guess you can say that I've been learning how to adjust to being the house husband with a toddler. It was rough finding things to keep him occupied until I realized that I could also go about my day and that he would just have to tag along. So he now watches as I do laundry, wash dishes, and cook (I made chocolate chip cookies and apple bread just to find something to keep him busy - I am sooo a Stepford Fag!). He also watches all my other activities that up until this point had been fairly private. So now when I shower I have a little face peeking in (and I do get flashes of Psycho when the shower curtain rustles) and K. is very much intrigued by the mechanics of elimination. I guess you can say that his potty training is beginning through modelling. Though I wish his observation wasn't quite so up close.

In terms of challenges, they are actually getting better overall. The tantrums have diminished and have downgraded to whining. Kind of like how a hurricane gets downgraded to a tropical storm. It's a relief, but you still have to board up the windows and sit tight. We are working on this though, and through Batshaw we have a parenting educator that comes in to give us advice from time to time. Some of it is useful, but other times it's like having a nagging in-law tell you how to parent your child. Our response has been to smile and nod and use what we feel works as best as possible. So far, it seems to be going well. We even had a few nights where K. waved goodnight to us from his bed and didn't howl as we left his room. (That was short lived though, the past two nights we are back to having to drop him back into bed after each time he climbs off of it). In fact the howling is so commonplace that when he is quiet we know he is up to no good (like climbing up on a chair and emptying all his drawers). And since he has trouble with sleep, we've had to make sure that if we drive back from an outing towards his bedtime, we have to keep him awake or else if he falls asleep in the car and is moved to bed, we'll have an hour of shrieking (as opposed to>the normal 20 minutes). So this saw me one time in the backseat next to him singing, "If you're happy and you know it shake your foot", and me shaking his leg repeatedly until we got home. Good times! heh. I'm now realizing the things parents have to do to get some peace. (So I can kind of forgive my mom for drugging my sister and I with Gravol so we would pass out on a very long car trip.)

As for things that make us smile, what I love is that he has a dance he does when I start my espresso machine in the morning. He sings along as the coffee beans are ground and shakes back and forth to simulate the grinding. Again, limited vocabulary,  but if you ever need someone to do a sound effect for a coffee grinder, he's your man.

In terms of the placement, we are supposed to have a meeting scheduled at Batshaw with the birthfather and all the social workers this week.This is for K.'s social worker so that he can file a complete adoptability report. We hope it goes well, but aren't quite sure what to expect. In the meantime, we're still having a visit from a social worker at least once a week. They will probably taper off to one visit every few weeks as they all have seen how well he is fitting in. K. has also gotten to meet extended family and little cousins and has managed to charm them all.

So all in all, life is going well, one month of parental leave already gone. 8 to go. Not missing work yet. (colleagues yes, but not thework) Though there are moments I would rather be sitting in a 3 hour advisory meeting rather than watching the wiggles for the umpteenth time. (oh, the good news is that K.'s tolerance of Barney the dinosaur is about as great as mine. 5 minutes in and he's already waving bye- bye to the screen!)

Anyway, want to say thanks to all who have been writing back and glad that you're enjoying these little moments when I have a chance to breathe.

Daddy Diary 4 - A New Year (Jan 2008)

Hope your 2009 started off well and will continue to be a good year for all.

As for us, we had a great holiday season, though it flew by so fast it was hard to notice that it happened. By the time the 24th rolled by, our little family had begun to establish a few set routines so now the coffees aren't getting quite so cold in the morning and K. is able to play on his own for a bit without needing to be in either Papa or Daddy's arms quite so much. We're still getting the occasional tantrum, though fewer and further between than the first week he was with us. Although what we miss in quantity, K. makes up for in quality cause when he does finally melt down, it's an impressive carpet rolling shrieking stamping affair and one minute feels like 30.However, these don't last as long as they actually feel, so we're all getting better at dealing with frustration. He is also getting used to us setting the rules for him and though he does test them (especially at nap time) our consistency is winning out in the long run.

Going to sleep is still an issue, but as of yesterday Greg and I have graduated to sleeping in our own bedroom again. We're letting K. get used to falling asleep on his own and though there are nights where he puts up a mega fuss, he does settle. He has his routine of bedtime story, some songs and then once his head hits the pillow, the fireworks start. We now leave the room and stay close to put him back to bed once he gets up, but as of this point, the sight of Greg or me at his gate is enough to get him to crawl back to his pillow (screaming all the while) but as long as he stays in his bed, we're happy. The only thing we would like to change is his early morning wake up call. He's usually up at 5 or 5:30, so even though I'm officially "off", my workday is going to start pretty early. There are the days when after a change and a bottle he will sleep a bit more, but those are the rare luxury. But all in all, we're glad we've moved from having him fall asleep in our arms to having him kick it out on his bed (our backs are grateful).

As for Christmas, K. had a great time meeting the family and we now know he has expensive tastes. Greg made a great meal on the 24th and K. enjoyed eating smoked salmon, liver pate, roast beef and a chocolate covered chestnut christmas log dessert. He also loved the presents. At first seeing all the boxes nicely wrapped was one thing, but once he realized there were things in them and that many of them were for him (in his mind, they were all for him), he at least got to help everyone open their gifts and once he found out it was something boring for someone else he moved to the next box. So the tantrums we were expecting didn't happen after all. In fact, my family thinks that K. is so well behaved and such a sweet little guy. Heh. what an actor!

After the holidays were done, he got to play with all his nice new noisy toys. Unfortunately, K. has figured out which ones have volume control and has learned how to bring more ambiance into our lives. Just picture a singing lawnmower with a happy shrieking toddler behind it and you'll get the idea.

What has also kept our sanity intact is youtube. Thank-god for the Mickey mouse clubhouse, baby beethoven (crack for babies!), and sesame street clips. K. is now able to spend at least 10 minutes in front of the screen enraptured by dancing babies and songs so repetitive and sweet that you will never get them out of your head ever again. Feist does a great do-over of 1-2-3-4 on

Sesame Street

and I love Andrea Bocelli and Elmo singing Time to say goodnight. I've even started doing the dance moves for some songs (Toot-toot chugga chugga big red car by the wiggles is my new favourite!)

But, the big test is about to face me. Greg goes off to work tomorrow (poor guy/lucK. guy). He'll be on his 3 day work schedule so he'll be back with me on Thursday and Friday. However, Thursday is my spa day. Time to treat myself to a hair cut and a massage. So I'll be downtown in the afternoon to drop off a card for my work mates on Thursday (sorry, won't be free at lunch time, but will be around 3 or so).

I've also started to look into some activities I could get K. involved in. Swimming could be cool, at least he'd be lighter to carry in a pool. :-)

Anyway, that's the news for now. Thinking of all of you and wishing you the best for 2009.

Daddy Diary 3 - Week One with K. (Dec 2008)

So it's been one full week since the little guy joined our family full- time. Hard to believe it's only been 7 days, and I gotta tell you, not going in to work, it's easy to lose track of what day is what, cause weekends look pretty much like any other day right now. Gone are the days where Greg could sleep in till 10 or later, we're into 5 am bottle time and we're lucK. if he falls back asleep until 7. So Greg and I are doing shifts so that we can balance out the sleep deficit.K. was used to sleeping in the same room as foster mom and he is a fitful sleeper. He wakes up often in the night (could be the transition, could be from earlier when he might not have been cared for), so we moved a futon into the room so we can sleep on the floor and be close if he needs a reassuring presence. (better than sleeping in the same bed which we both did at first - ever sleep with a toddler?? He's all quiet and cuddly and then all of a sudden this arm comes flailing up to knock you in the head or a leg comes kicking and you gotta dodge fast!) So even though we're safe on the futon this still just translates into us sleeping in 20 minute shifts as again, each little noise could be the precursor to a huge wake-up cry (and those often last 45 minutes or so). So far this seems to be working out, but we will eventually ease out and be back in our own room. We don't want to make too many changes all at once and will slowly get him used to sleeping alone. The first few nights were really hard at bedtime, he would rage for an hour, but after some advice from foster mom and after developing our own routine, he settles down fairly well.We sing songs in his room and hope that he falls asleep before we do.Nap time is our next new challenge. Today we did a super nanny move and sat in his room and let him tantrum on his bed until he tired himself out. Then we were there to reassure him and he slept soundly.I've also got a timer on so that after lunch when he hears the beeps he knows nap time is coming. See, watching reality TV does teach you something!

Aside from that, last week K. had his first haircut which went really well. The salon only does kids and was empty at 10 am on Wednesday morning (go figure) and every chair was a car, he was thrilled and so were we. So now he looks more like a little man than a chia pet. We even got a certificate and a baggie with his first lock of hair as a keepsake.

The other thing we are getting to deal with now is regular toddler tantrums. He's not crying for mama as much and is happy to have us be there to comfort him, so the attachment aspect is going well. Now it's just the behavioral parts to manage. Last few days he would go into full Exorcist mode with head shaking, demon screaming and rolling in convulsions on the floor. What might set him off is us telling him he took too much food into his mouth, that the dog is not a squeeze toy or that looking like a wrinkled prune does mean that bath time is over. But we have seen some improvement. He is no longer rolling on the floor, but stamping his feet and then coming back to us for a hug right after. So we're working hard on keeping consistent limits and hope that these tantrums now pay off when he's 16 (they do, right Susan?)

As for eating, this kid is non-stop. We're filling him with as many fruits as we can but man, this kid eats! And that means the inevitable other process goes on as well. So Greg and I are pros in diaper duty and I have now learned that what is true for corn is also true for black olives (that one was for you Dilshad!).

Our house continues to look like hurricane Katrina ripped down a toys r us and a restaurant and laundromat in one shot. Thank god both of us are at home to manage things and get a handle before it completely takes over. I'm just anticipating what it's going to be when Greg goes back to work!

But we both feel lucky. to have this little guy in our lives. Spending the holidays with him will be a great gift.

Daddy Diary 2 - K.'s 1st days (Dec 2008)

Hey Everyone,

Hope you're all enjoying the wonderful icy weather... We had planned to play in the snow with K. today, but I think that will have to be put off until we can get through the layers of ice.

Anyway, as you know yesterday (Dec 15) was K.'s official first day as a member of our household. We had anticipated a very emotional and weepy transition, but the truth is that over the past week we have become very close to G., (K.'s foster mom), and her family and we have nothing but good feelings and a warm connection towards each other. This has really helped K. feel that he is being well taken care of and know that the family that played a large role in his life will still continue to do so. After G. and her worker left, I spent the day with K. as Greg had gone off to the clinic to get some medication for the bronchitis he was starting. After our first overnight last Tuesday, K. graciously shared his cold with us - our first act of bonding. So Greg has been hacking away and I've been sniffling away ever since. So K. and I played all day together yesterday and he seems happy to be in his new home.

He's settled enough to be able to stay focused on one toy for a good 5 - 10 minutes (which has helped Daddy tremendously) He also knows where to go to get his bowl and spoon and this is how he lets me know it's snack time. He likes helping to clean up too, and it's not enough to just put the bowl in the sink, he wants to wash it too. But I think this is his sneaky way to get me to turn the faucet on so he can shake his hands under the water. He's also loving going up and down our stairs to get toys from his bedroom and bring them downstairs. It's taken no time at all for our house to look like it has a kid in it cause everywhere you look there are building blocks scattered everywhere. During nap times is when I get to scurry around and put them all back into the bin, but K.'s most fun moment is to tip the bin upside down and make sure they go as far as possible. So I'm constantly increasing my search radius. :-)

As for the aforementioned nap and bed times, getting to sleep is not K.'s best moment. So last night was our first major melt-down as K. did his best impression of Luciano Pavarotti and Maria Callas (yes all octaves combined) while trying as hard as possible to push us away while we walked him around the house for an hour. Yes, an hour. That was the longest therapy session of my life! That will teach us to let him nap for too long in the afternoon. Oh, and the other wonderful thing is that K. has learned to pick his nose (which is often stuffy). So at nap time yesterday, I was rocking him and all of a sudden he leans back to show me what is on his finger for me to take it. I have no idea how something so big came out of such a little nose, but I surprised myself by saying, "thank-you" Truly a gift only a parent can appreciate.

But I think we are going to fall into a routine fairly easily, already I know that mealtimes play out like an italian wedding reception. Though the plate stays on the table and the food doesn't change, we go through many courses. And I'm also starting to develop that diaper sixth-sense that alerts me to incoming packages. (Or maybe it's just one of my five senses becoming more accute?)

In any case, the smiles, the dancing, the peek-a-boo and yes, even the smashing blocks make it all worth it.

As for news through Batshaw, things may move quicker than we thought concerning the adoption. K.'s worker will be on holiday till Jan 5th, but he mentioned that he will probably start the paperwork come February. Birth mom seems ready to sign off and birth dad would like to meet us first, but also things look good there, so we'll cross our fingers that the process goes smoothly for us all.

That's it for now, my window of opportunity to write is closing as we speak... K.'s nap is just about done.

Daddy Diary 1 - K.'s introduction (Dec 2008)

So as you all know, we're into transition week with K. and  everything has been neatly scheduled to allow us some time to get to know each other, learn his routines and have K. get ready for his move  to full-time living with us for Monday the 15th. All went according to  plan on Monday. We met at foster mom's place at around 10 am (with our  brand new car-seat <Thanks C&D!! ) so that we could go on an outing together. What better place to head for an outing but Angrignon mall!  Luckily he was more interested in the floor tiles than all the stuff  at Sears otherwise we might still be there. :-) The goal of our outing was to head to a pet store so that K. could get accustomed to the animals we have at our place. No worries there. All the puppies were sleeping, but K. encouraged their waking up with some taps on their glass dividers. (I think Phoebe (our dog) is going to be napping the same time as K.!) He also loved the fish and would have loved to dive in with the Koi in their giant pond. Luckily dad was there to provide a restraining arm (one that will get used, many, many times I think!)

We went to the food court next for a snack. He's really into the next age/size bracket cause it was next to impossible to fit him into the high chairs they had at the mall. K. preferred to sit on Greg and feed him french fries dipped in a lake of ketchup. Did I mention that Greg looooves Ketchup? <sarcasm  And the oscar goes to Greg, for the most believable "mmmmm!".> K. then decided that he wasn't all that hungry and thought that walking around the food court in circles would give Daddy Marc some much needed exercise. This became even more fun when K. began to wave at everyone and they waved back. How many laps did we do? All I know is that some of the faces became very familiar by the end of it.

Then it was time to head back home. At this point K. was happy to get  into his new stroller and get pushed back to the car. He was also happy to get home as K. has an aversion to 5 point restraints. This was just in time for nap time for foster mom to deal with the crankiness as Marc went home to busily clean and baby proof the house for Tuesday and for Greg to go to work.

And then Tuesday. Ah, wonderful snowy Tuesday. The plan was a 3pm-7pm visit with Foster Mom coming over to our house and leaving after an hour so that we could show him his new digs. The one hour visit with foster mom happened mostly on the Decarie autoroute. It was backed up from end to end. So K. was very happy to finally see his new place (even if it would have been a shack, all he cared about was getting out of that @##$ car seat.) Foster mom stayed for a bit and K. walked in circles (I sense a theme) and was thrilled with his new stuffed animals that actually moved (aka the pets). With all the stimulation he didn't notice the christmas tree too much yet. So far it's still standing.

I then drove foster mom to the metro while Greg continued the visit. Part of the tour was the bathroom where K. discovered the tub and a whole bunch of cool toys So when I got back from the drive, K. was ready to dive in. He puts on quite a water show and I think this will be his favourite time of the day. Then we got him all dried off and we were off to supper (ham and macaroni, yum... dads finished the left overs, brought us back to recipes from our youth). Then we were supposed to drive K. back home, but the Decarie was still jammed up. After 5 minutes in his car seat in a stationary car, we made an executive decision (and a ear-drum saving one) to head back home and we called foster mom and the appropriate authorities to okay his stay over night. Luckily Greg's work friends had bought some pj's so we got him dolled up and got him ready for bed. K.'s nighttime ritual involves lots of snuggling (which we love) and many big yawns in our ear, but for all that he fights sleep. So Daddy Marc got some more exercise walking 40 pounds of huggy-buggy K. in a circle until he was ready to lie down in his new bed. (Picture how a koala bear hugs on, and that's the right image). Of course Greg and I are already in love so the hugs just keep making it better. So aside from waking up around 11pm for some more snuggling (and a cleaner diaper) he went out for the night. Can't say the same for us. Each little grunt and sniffle kept pricking our ears up, so that Greg and I shared 2 hours of sleep altogether. But what a way to stay up, cuddled next to this snoring angel. We didn't miss the sleep one bit (until we had to actually function the next morning, heh).  

At 8:30 it was time to get up, breakfast and totter in circles around the kitchen island while being chased by Phoebe who was very interested in the piece of toast K. had in his hand. This is when the reality of how slow time can be when you are trying to think up of new ways to keep a todder occupied. (Yay, this new thing kept you busy for 30 seconds, now what?) But playing with blocks was fun, especially the dumping them out of the box and putting them back in to do it all over again. Then as the plan had originally been to keep K. for day, that got modified. After K.'s nap in the morning, we went back to foster mom. The transition back to her was a bit tough and he went straight back to us for more hugs before being okay to go back to his foster family. So all in all, the attaching with us seems to be going very well. He has no problem coming to us for comfort. That'll be a different story once he realizes that foster mom won't be around, but after our first night together (and many emotions) we now have a taste of some of the ups and downs we'll have at the beginning. All the rest will be regular toddler craziness

 So there you have the last few days. I'm learning quick though. I now know that coffees get cold quickly when you forget them cause you're chasing a little guy around. Also, don't bother making yourself a lunch, cause you're just going to eat his leftovers anyway. And finally, yes, you will do gross things when it is your own kid. ;-)

  More news to come! And thanks again for all your warm words of welcome for K. and all your support.
 

The (Gay) Daddy Diaries - uploaded

Hi Everyone,

For those of you who were fortunate enough to be part of my select e-mail list, you'll remember that back in 2008 I documented the journey of K. into our family. Well, 3 years later, with a bit more wisdom (and more grey hair), Greg and I are beginning the process once again in welcoming a new son to our family.

For those new to this blog, some quick background information. Greg and I are a happily married, gay couple living in Montreal. We've been together 5 years now and for the past 3 years we've been dads to a beautiful boy (K.) whom we have now officially adopted through Batshaw (Montreal's English division of Youth Protection Services). In Quebec we have something called the mixed-bank (foster-to-adopt) program. These children are already placed in foster care, but Batshaw is seeking permanent homes for them with the intent that they may eventually become adoptable. Increasingly many gay and lesbian couples are participating in the mixed-bank program and are actually being sought out as resources. For more information check out the Coalition des Familles Homoparentales (http://www.familleshomoparentales.org/)

We had always thought of having two children and after being on the list with Batshaw for about a year, a match has been made and we are about to transition N. into our family. So K. (who is now 4) and N. (who is 2) will grow into being brothers and Greg and I will become dads to the second degree.

When K. joined us, I took the parental leave and I documented my discoveries through what I called the Daddy Diaries. What began as a way to preserve my sanity by laughing about my parental neuroses while K. was napping, soon became my family's favorite reading material and made other parents in my circle snicker.

So as I am about to embark on another journey, I figured I'd dust off those old Daddy Diaries, post them here and pick up with volume 2. All in all 8 entries were written and then I went back to work and I stopped as the rythm of working life took over again. Rereading them I'm brought back to the joys and pains we experienced transitioning K. into our family. For any of you who have adopted, you'll know what I mean.

So the next entries will date back to 2008 and early 2009, but keep an eye out for upcoming news. Greg and I meet N. for the first time tomorrow and K. will meet him the day after. From there we're on a 2 week schedule of visits until N. is placed with us officially.

Wish us luck!